Why have I been left to constantly question my identity? How can I know what it is that I want, when all I have been doing my entire life is setting up these separate identities for myself. How can I know what is real, when I don’t know what real should be? I can never know what I should do in life, because I’ve been leading so many different lives, I can never know which one it is going to be that I should follow. Which one will bring me the most happiness? Which factors do I have to keep in account when making any decision, when I don’t know who I’ll be the next moment.
I am aware of the thought that one should ideally only live for the now, in the moment. Not expect anything from or wish anything for the future, to avoid disappointment, and not think back of the past to avoid regret or shame. Except it is difficult for me to place which moment it is that I am in. I am constantly living on a visible, four-dimensional timeline. It is keeping me from enjoying moments of intoxication, sexual encounters and group settings, as I am always contemplating how I should be behaving and what I should be thinking.
The only time I seem to feel most at ease in my mind is in a specific light that sets the right mood for me, especially in nature, at sunset or in the city at night. The lighting creates breath-taking vibrations. Lighting is the key of all aesthetics you see, lighting is absolutely everything, regardless of your medium or subject. With too much light you won’t be able to see, because you’re blinded, and in too much darkness you won’t be able to see anything either. Brighter colors seem to feel happier than darker colors. It is the same in life, everything is essentially yin and yang. Without pain, there cannot be pleasure.
However I believe in this philosophy there exists a certain, constant neutral zone.
It is not like that with lighting however. Any particular set of lighting creates it’s own atmosphere. It creates a specific emotion. Even if the light is boring, it’s goal is to make you experience boredom and it is always successful at it’s goal. With emotion there is that constant neutral zone, where you are not really feeling anything in particular. Therefore that would contradict the previous statement about yin and yang. If everything is fundamentally good or bad, there is no room for neutrality. Except it depends on what your idea is on wether feeling neutral is bad, because it is boredom and therefore not excitement. Or wether it is good, because you are not experiencing pain.
The same cannot be said about light. Without light, there is nothing and there cannot be anything. Too much pleasure can hurt just as much as too much pain.
But then how was everything created? At one point there must have been nothing, because the lighting had to come from somewhere. How can there be light, when there is nothing. Is it possible for something to exist since forever? Then how did it get there?
It is therefore that I conclude: light is the source of everything and the one who understands the light, can understand life.
Take everything I say with a grain of salt, because I am really baked.
Submitted September 29, 2019 at 11:20PM by Patryk_O https://ift.tt/2mURrMi
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