Like many others, life is sometimes unsatisfactory. From being mentally burdened with stress, tiredness, unmotivatedness, annoyance, and social pressures to being physically inflicted with muscle ache, backache, headache, oversweating, itching and sickness, for many years I turned to meditation as an escape, as a way to turn off for while, to seek a moment of respite.
Sometimes, it worked, and I was able to calm down, recompose myself and stabilize emotionally.
However, sometimes it didn't work. I was just as annoyed as before, as uncomfortable and restless as before, as stressed and anxious as ever, and i would feel worse because i felt meditation had failed me, or i was a failure in myself for not being able to meditate properly or effectively.
Recently, I started developing a deeper understanding and appreciation of meditation and what it's suppose to do. Meditation is about observing, being conscious of our environment, and mindful of our internal and physical world. That's all. It may lead to joy and pleasure, but it may not. But that's not the point. The point is to sharpen our awareness, strengthen our mindfulness, so we can ground deeper into the present moment and experience life fuller.
Since I've stopped meditating for pleasure, I find I can meditate longer, at any time, and even while performing tasks throughout the day. Before I would not meditate because I was too tired, uncomfortable or lazy, but now I'm not here to seek pleasure, I'm just here to observe. So I observe my tiredness, laziness, excuses, and all negative thoughts, feelings and sensations. I then noticed they started disappearing on their own, without me having to do anything.
Its completely changed my attitude towards life because I'm becoming more of an observer and less of a reactor. I will feel my reaction arise and would just observe it. The act of observing stops the reaction without me having to do anything. I begin to seek less, and stop discriminating between good and bad, like and dislike, right and wrong, because I'm just observing. Observing brings a lot of calmness, clarity, peace. It's not to say that life is all good. But through meditating this way, I feel better equipped to handle the negatives in life. I have stopped fearing discomfort, fear and stress, but instead an excited to use them, in small doses, to test my equanimity, tolerance and strength of awareness.
I am beginning to see the positives to seemingly negative situations because they make me stronger, sharper and wiser. I fear less than before and it's all because I changed my attitude towards meditation. And it has changed my life.
Just thought to share my experience in hope it may serve others on your path and practice.
Submitted January 15, 2020 at 07:41PM by bekindbehappy https://ift.tt/2u0o3HN
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