Identity and suicide

Please do not respond to this unless you feel a clear recognition or confidence that you can say something helpful.

Over the course of time, it has become extremely painful, almost intolerable, for me to be identified and labeled as anything. Any time there is a conversation involving "me" and "you", I feel extreme emotions of sadness, anger, outrage, desperation.

That action of identification feels like such a violation, it's gotten to the point where parts of "me" want to commit suicide, just to put an end to the identification process. Other parts of "me" are strongly opposed to suicide. Even just these sentences where I attempt to explain myself using the words "I", "me", and "myself" is enough to arouse those feelings of rage and suicide.

All the usual routes of therapy, meditation, medication, exercise, diet, socialization, healing work, career change, relationship change, location change, creative expression, and so on, have been tried.

The reason I post this in zen rather than a psychological or other subreddit is, this was not an issue before having kensho. It is an issue that has developed in the years following, due to having experienced life from the point of view of non-identification. It is that mechanism by which the mind creates a self, that is the root of what is causing me to want to kill myself.

I post here on the off chance that someone who is awakened and passed through the identification with self, might somehow be able to use language to help me see how to escape this trap of language and self.

Submitted March 11, 2018 at 07:57AM by charmander12345678 http://ift.tt/2FpP1NO