AMA: revolver37

Hey all! Been lurking here for a few months, and studying Zen since last summer. It's been a very positive and transformative period for me. Feel like I'm ready to challenge myself and connect with this sangha a bit more, so here we go! 🚀

1) Where have you just come from?

Deluded people don't realize that their own mind is the buddha. They keep searching outside. - The Zen Teaching of Bodhidharma

In the short term:

Church. 😳 I'm dating a Christian and she asked me to go. I had some poor experiences as a child that really turned me off to religion, but I felt ok with trying it today. I've read a bit of Thich Nhat Hanh (a divisive figure here, I know!) on how to connect with people of different faiths. Now, Jesus said some pretty cool stuff, but man, I didn't feel the dharmakaya at all in that place. They're so focused on external and metaphysical concerns and don't seem to have any interest in seeing their own nature. 🛸 I closed my eyes and tried to drift away, but couldn't escape a profound sorrow that gave way to pity. I won't be going back. I think my gf will understand. She doesn't need me to be like her. Her connection to Christ brings out her empathy, positivity, and altruism, and that's good enough for me, for now. (Please keep the slander to a minimum. I really do like this one, deluded though she may be.) 😇

Every suffering is a buddha-seed, because suffering impels mortals to seek wisdom. But you can only say that suffering gives rise to buddhahood. You can't say that suffering is buddhahood. Your body and mind are the field. Suffering is the seed, wisdom the sprout, and buddhahood the grain. - The Zen Teaching of Bodhidharma

In the long term:

A lifetime of hedonism, depression, and addiction. 🍺 I know Bodhidharma is Zen 101 (and these quotes may not actually be him), but his words inspired me to begin pulling myself out of a deep hole. I hit middle age during lockdown, and came to the realization that I'd never know peace until I found discipline, so now I'm rooting out decades of ingrained, destructive behavior. It's a slow process, but studying Zen has led me to develop some really useful tools for making productive changes, and taught me not to be hard on myself when I can't. Eliminating negative self-talk becomes a lot easier when you understand where it comes from. 😊

2) What's your text?

I've come across so many that I love and I feel like I'm barely scratching the surface! 😁 I'll try to keep it thematic. 🤔

Teaching

• A monk asked Yun Men, "What are the teachings of a whole lifetime? " Yun Men said, "An appropriate statement." - Blue Cliff Record 14
• A monk asked Chao Chou, "Does a newborn baby also have the sixth consciousness?" Chao Chou said, "(Like) tossing a ball on swift-flowing water." The monk also asked T'ou Tzu, "What is the meaning of 'Tossing a ball on swift-flowing water'?" T'ou Tzu said, "Moment to moment, nonstop flow." - Blue Cliff Record 80

I work in academia and these really resonate for me. 🎓 There's nothing to learn but what we've got in front of us. Everything else is empty - attachment or delusion. Approaching each new lesson with the curiosity and receptivity of a child, you open your mind and heart, absorbing all you can. This may seem obvious for the student, but effective teachers also have this mindset. 🤓 It becomes contagious when you present this attitude, this flexibility, this thirst for wisdom as an example. The ability to consider context, to be fully present, to focus on what's at hand, to interact and respond to queries with insight, is all that's essential. Share knowledge and create connections. What greater gift or calling could there be? 📓

Self Validation

• A monk asked Chao Chou, " 'The Ultimate Path has no difficulties-just avoid picking and choosing.' What is not picking and choosing?" Chou said, " 'In the heavens and on earth I alone am the Honored One.' " The monk said, "This is still picking and choosing." Chou said, "Stupid oaf! Where is the picking and choosing?" The monk was speechless. - Blue Cliff Record 57

• The Buddha and all sentient beings are the one mind and nothing else. - Huangbo, Transmission of Mind

This koan got me through the inanity of the Christian sermon this morning. 🙄 Every reference to God's power/love/grace etc, I just directed back to myself. Every perception, every dharma, is mind, and I alone am mind, along with all the consciousness of the dharma. How could it be otherwise? Dhyana reveals the emptiness of form. I have always had this power; it wasn't a decision. Each and every moment, I'm guided by my nature; when I see it, I see the buddha. 🌤️ By finding ourselves, we connect to the dharmakaya.

Detachment

• Just study seeking nothing and being attached to nothing. When you don't seek, your mind doesn't arise. When you aren't attached, your mind doesn't cease. What neither arises nor ceases is the buddha. - Huangbo, Transmission of Mind

• The essence of the Way is detachment. - The Zen Teaching of Bodhidharma

• Once you get to the root, don't worry about the branches. - Hsuan-chueh (paraphrased)

They really get right to the point, don't they? Simplify your life and find peace in yourself. It used to be there were people and things I depended on, that I felt I couldn't get though life without. 🚬 What I didn't realize was that digging into my own delusions (a good therapist was huge for that), detaching from the need for those connections, and building my own foundation would actually allow me to love the people I care about more fully. 💖 Which brings me to the next bit...

Altruism

• A Bodhisattva should, relinquishing all marks, produce the heart of unexcelled, perfect enlightenment. He should produce that heart without dwelling in forms, he should produce that heart without dwelling in sounds, smells, tastes, tangible objects, or dharmas. He should produce that heart which does not dwell anywhere, any dwelling of the heart is no dwelling. Therefore the Buddha says, ‘the heart of a Bodhisattva should not dwell in forms when he gives.’ - Diamond Sutra, Chapter 14

• Lin-chi says, “To practice charity is to give everything away. This means to get rid of perceptions of self, being, life, and soul, sorrow and delusion, possession and renunciation, love and hate. The Buddha teaches us to practice charity, to rid ourselves of all attachments within, and to benefit all beings without. By not dwelling on anything, bodhisattvas do not see the self that gives, nor do they see the other that receives, nor do they see anything given. For all three are essentially empty. By concentrating without concentrating on anything, their practice of charity remains pure. They do not desire what they do not have. Nor do they long for some future reward. When ordinary people practice charity, they hope for some blessing or benefit. This is to practice charity while attached to something.” - Red Pine, Diamond Sutra, Chapter 4

I'm combining Red Pine's translation with Bhiksuni Heng Ch'ih's a bit here. The former is a bit too wordy, but uses terminology that's easier to understand. These sections underline a main theme of this sutra - the ability to give without attachment. Anyone who's grown up in capitalist America knows how fucking hard this can be. 💲 We're taught from a young age to expect something in return. We've twisted Christ's message of charity into a consumerist circle jerk. 🎄🎁 How refreshing, then, to be able to step outside this framework and just give where it seems right, as an expression of love and connection. I've also noticed that I no longer feel guilty when I'm not able or willing to give. This used to be a big source of depression for me - the idea that I'm not enough or not doing enough.

The things we touch have no permanence. None of us are taking anything with us. 💀 Accumulating wealth and possessions might cause some short term joy, or create comfort and opportunities for our progeny, but it is more likely to cause further suffering. Elon Musk can do anything he wants, and he spends his time desperately tweeting and finding ways to further accumulate wealth and power. If only he knew how good it could make him feel to be charitable. He could ease the suffering of millions, and himself, in the process. What wretched souls billionaires have. 💰☣️💣

Samadhi

• Rather than advising us to suppress our thoughts, the Buddha preempts them. He advises bodhisattvas not to wait for thoughts to arise but to give birth to a thought that puts all other thoughts to flight, a thought like the morning sun that chases the myriad stars from the sky. - Red Pine, Diamond Sutra, Chapter 3

• Master Jizo said, "In walking and sitting, just hold to the moment before thoughts arise. Look into it, and you'll see not seeing. Then, put it to one side." In other words, if you see not seeing, or hear not hearing, put it to one side. Don't attach to that. "When you direct your efforts like this, rest does not interfere with meditation, and meditation does not interfere with rest." - Book of Equanimity 20

• Someone asked, "What is 'the very thing' [i.e., enlightenment]?" Joshu said, "It is when the first thought has not yet arisen." Sayings of Joshu 154

• Those practitioners who enter dhyana or samadhi but who remain unaware of the changes of the subtler forms of habit energy think they enter dhyana or samadhi only after consciousness ceases. But in fact their consciousness does not cease when they enter samadhi. It doesn’t cease because the seeds of habit energy are not destroyed. It ceases when they no longer grasp changes among objective realms. The Lankavatara Sutra, Chapter 9

• Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?' Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; Man got to tell himself he understand." Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle

Yes, more Diamond Sutra! I've been working my way through it this past Spring so there's some recency bias, but Red Pine's quote selection and extensive commentary on the Sutras are wonderful. They're difficult texts for a novice and he provides so much great context. The first passage above hit me like a ton of bricks. 😵 I felt like I knew exactly what he meant, immediately, but wasn't sure how I'd gotten there or if I could figure out what it was or if there was something deeper I was missing. Now, whenever I drift into moments of sublime peace, I don't throw them away by trying to hold onto them or label them. It feels great to know what Joshu and Jizo are getting at - even if it's just a glimpse - and to know that it's accessible in a wide variety of settings and physical states. 🚙

I don't sit to meditate, or even try to be still - my preferred word for this paramita is "focus". I just go about my business in a way that brings me contentment, and every so often I can find samadhi this way. ♻️ I started getting into the Lanka this month, and I love the concept of "habit energy". It's impossible not to get caught up in the stresses of daily life, to attach, to pick and choose, all based on inherited and indoctrinated values and behaviors. ⌚ When I stop seeking understanding, when I am able to detach from form, when I stop picking and choosing, and put the habit energy at a distance, I can sometimes revert to a primal, elemental state where the simplest activities bring peace. Running, eating, stretching, drinking, breathing, reading, kissing, shitting. We're all just animals who have thumbs and can talk, after all. 🐈

3) Dharma low tides?

• Chiang Wei-nung says, “Unfortunate suffering beings, the rich as well as the poor, spend their lives working for food and clothes. No matter what kind of job they do, they all work for food. They get up in the morning and hurry into the city to work. Working for food is important. But when your work is done, you should return to your own place. The problem with most people is that for the sake of food and clothes they run around like beggars and eventually forget who they are and no longer return to their own place. When your work is done, don’t involve yourself in what doesn’t concern you. Thus, the Buddha sits down and focuses on the thought before him.” - Red Pine, Diamond Sutra, Chapter 1

I try not to watch or read the news. 📰 There is very little I can do about so much of what is happening, and life is challenging enough without forming opinions that cannot serve me, and have no value beyond making small talk at the office or a party. Perhaps once I feel I have a better handle on my Self, I can try to get more involved in helping those I don't know. When I get out of work I usually head to the disc golf course (maybe I'll dissect this sport and its link to Zen in another post 🥏) or the theater. Acting can be very Zen. You are rewarded for staying present and connecting with your scene partner. Spending too much time at home leads to boredom and temptation, but I can "return to my own place" anywhere as long as I feel like I belong. 🔑

I stopped taking antidepressants (Wellbutrin) about a year and a half ago. They prevented me from getting too low, but also kept me from feeling true joy, especially when trying to connect with people. 💊 I still struggle with mild episodes, but it's better than feeling like a zombie all the time, with my moods compressed to a narrow range. The occasional LSD trip has helped me rewire some neural pathways by dredging up repressed feelings and helping me understand myself. They say the opposite of addiction is connection, and that's been profoundly true for me. Anything that connects me to myself or others - exercise, art that resonates, hiking, performing, teaching, eating, sleeping, studying Zen - brings me in tune with the dharmakaya and sets me back on the Path. 🎭

TL:DR - Middle aged professor with depression and addiction finds peace through staying busy with the help of Red Pine.

Whew! Didn't expect that to be so long, but I just kept thinking of more quotes that I loved and wanted to explore with you all. Playing with formatting and emojis was fun too. And now I've stayed up all night writing this. Hoping for some stimulating discussion!

Submitted May 23, 2022 at 05:14PM by revolver37 https://ift.tt/Dl8sPyW