You ready for some Kung Fu, r/zen?
By the way—I would tell everyone, if I were you: Bodhidharma invented Kung Fu to work out the aggressive habits of Zen monks. “It’s right there in the Blue Cliff Record,” you can say—and point at Thomas Cleary’s masterful translation.
Before an illiterate desk jockey rides in on his keyboard donkey, and accuses me of…whatever that would be…let me point out: I am not saying Kung Fu is Zen or Zen is Kung Fu. (Kung Fu seems more like Zen + Tea to me, tbh.)
No. What I am saying. Is that it might help people understand Zen. It might help them understand that THE BUDDHA IS THE COMPULSIVE PASSIONS. And also the things they see in r/zen. Maybe. (It would help them understand them.) Including this big, huge, beautiful conversation we’ve all been having about AMAs.
Now that is the way to really discuss something! And I want to thank everyone who has participated so far…from the lofty mods, right down to lowly folklorists—and all of you book reporters taking the middle way (YAWN).
In one case, at least:
Book of Serenity #33: Sansheng's "Golden Fish"
Sansheng asked Xuefeng, "The golden fish that's passed through the net--what does it use for food?"
Xuefeng said, "When you come out of the net, then I'll tell you."
Sansheng said, "The teacher of fifteen hundred people, yet you don't even know a saying."
Xuefeng said, "My tasks as abbot are many."
Eat it, AMAers! Right from the source! Some ZEN MASTERS don’f have enough fucking time to study cases all day, because they are occupied with mainting the lineage of Bodhidharma. Grok?
Which is a lot different than saying: “Xuefeng can’t answer questions,” or “Xuefeng is dishonest”—isn’t it?
Yes, I think it is different.
“Xuefeng doesn’t have time to entertain himself with cases and quotes all day long like lazy ass head monks,” sounds a lot differenr, and is a much different interpretation of that case than accusing Xufeng of dishonesty—and this version is perfectly in tune with what Xuefeng himself put there (in the case)…rather than, say—what some bureacrat might be inclined to put there.
How’s that folks—am I able to demonstrate my Zen study while discussing cases? Also my honesty?1
Anyway, just wanted to point out there are other ways to demonstrate Zen study and honesty both…and one of the most important tools is time.
But I know what you really want. More Calypso.
“More Calypso! More Calypso!”
—Linseed’s packed-to-the-rafters DM inbox2
So I did it. I gave ya what you want. A video that recontextualizes the entire planet for r/zen and students of Zen—also with an Alaskan Malamute:
The Sea Nymph with the Furry Ears
Wowza! Didja getta view a that?
—Zen students who laugh at Guanyin
Guess what I’m gonna do? ::scratches throat::
I’m gonna solve all yer problems, r/zen—and I’m gonna use words to do it, just to be funny.
Henceforward—to make things easier on poor u/astroemi—I will now consider “Zen Master” to mean, for the purposes of r/zen particularly:
“Someone who has mastered Zen literature.”
(Which only an enlightened Zen Master could even begin to do—obviously.)
Interesting consequences of this change:
- Book reports and AMAs help one become a Zen Master (no “scare quotes”)
- Studying cases definitely helps one become a Zen Master
- “Mastering” also includes people who grok cases (look it up)
- Any Zen Master who has ever stubbed their toe and said something really, really Zen—and hears themself say it—also counts. (Because that is how literature works, sorry.)
But here’s the thing. Because of how literature works, the only folks who’ll be able to see for sure who’s really mastered Zen literature—won’t be alive for awhile. And most of them won’t come until the 22nd or 23rd centuries—at least.
Sorry, that’s just how literature—and particulalry Zen literature—works. (In the meanwhile, I guess folks who’ve been at cases or stubbing toes insightfully for 4 or 5 decades can meet face to face, to satisfy their own curiosity—same as the Zen Masters did.)
If you don’t believe me, go study Zen the rest of your life and tell me I’m wrong after that. You can’t do it. So at the very moment you become a master…by spending your entire life studying Zen…you will also become permantly incapable of enjoying the title.
Sad but true.
And all we lowly studetns of Zen get to do is work our whole lives
What a bum deal. (If ya ask me.)
At least there is r/zen to record it, though!
“Look at how much those turkeys worked,” they will say in the year 2374, coming back to these archives to rescue u/Union1st’s comments, and cut them from the rest of our dross, and stand them up, and put them where they belong again. “All they did was work! So lame! It really was a lot more like the Han then the Tang in the early 21st century—you can tell by all the stupid violence!”
Damn! Problem solved, you turkeys. r/zen’s problems solved in one post. AMAers and corporatists—ya almost got me. ::scratches throat::
But I skewered ya right in the memory bits.
With a pointy complaint.
So if I am a grave man—and not just hilarious—at least ya didn’t get away without a scratch nor two yerselves, what ya get here for fighting outside the GATELESS GATE like that:
MERCUTIO (on the Gateless Gate?)
No, ’tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door, but ’tis enough, ’twill serve. Ask for me tomorrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I am pepper’d, I warrant, for this world. A plague a’ both your houses! ’Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat, to scratch a man to death! A braggart, a rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of arithmetic! Why the dev’l came you between us? I was hurt under your arm.
I caught ya a dead fish, r/zen. Even my ghost fish have teeth. Moreover—I also proved fish have teeth. Right there on film. Stick that in yer pipes and cite it.
::folklorist walks away, another fraudulent idiom exposed::
No really. That’s good Kung Fu. I totally took Owlsdoom to the ground. Scroll down and look at the last sentence of his post. I already told him in the comment I left him, so don’t worry—he saw it coming.
People who think about doom always see it coming.
Another way of saying: Zen students don’t waste their fucking time.
Enjoy yer day.
Lin Seeds:
1 If you need to check more instances to give your archaic “honesty dipstick” more to work with—look at my entire r/zen commentary going back two years. (So many questions and answers!)
2 “Raise High the Roofbeam, Carpenters!”—SAPPHO
Submitted March 21, 2022 at 08:14AM by lin_seed https://ift.tt/fOp87PA
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