How do you learn to let go of past romantic relationships with a Zen mind?

I'm a complete novice at Zen. I've done martial arts for years so some things have seeped in. I'm hoping maybe someone had some advice.

I'm recently divorced, been dating for the last year. I love my ex-wife, but I have to accept that things are over. If she wanted to come back she would have. I'm also in therapy with a very nice Swiss woman to talk about things.

I've been dating, but there is one woman who really made an impact on me. There was a strong connection (at least for me) from almost the start. I thought we fit well together, but from at the beginning, I felt guilty, like I was cheating on my ex-wife. This passed after spending more time with this woman I was dating. I won't bore you all with the details, but we dated for 6 months and then broke up. I still love her very much, but she has moved on and has a new partner. I still want her in my life, but I would never try and break up a relationship. I still wish she was with me and it really hurts to know she's with someone new, but if she's happy with him I guess that's for the best.

I do this where I still miss my ex-wife, ex-lover, whomever, and wish they were still with me, but they're not. I am now dating new women and I don't want my judgment to be clouded by feelings I have for my exes. I want to be fair and present to any new woman I might want to be with.

I've read:

The Zen Experience by Thomas Hoover
Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind  Shunryu Suzuki
Aikido: Everyday Approach by Paul Rest
Art of Peace by Morihei Ueshiba

I was about to start reading "The Unfettered Mind" by Soho.

I tend to be more balanced when I'm training in my Aikido dojo, but because of the pandemic, I don't have that opportunity. It's mostly Aikido, but I've done some very brief zazen. I'm not completely unfamiliar with meditation on my own either. I feel like not training in the dojo is hurting my mental health on top of already hurting from the absence of my exes. Traning is very important to me.

Does anyone have any advice for me right now? I'm open.

Submitted July 13, 2020 at 07:38AM by langenoirx https://ift.tt/32elvF0