I feel like I am missing something very significant, so I came to zen. Through zen study I have discovered that all my searching and attempting to understand only exists in the mental plane - I'm not really going anywhere, I'm just projecting, conceptualizing. And I'm still confused..

I still feel like I am missing something. I don't know what it is I am missing, and anything I do to settle this feeling, does nothing; it can only be distraction and nonsense. I can't stay with this feeling, because the moment I direct my attention towards it, I'm no longer there and right back into conceptual la la land.

I am in the process of cutting back on habits that are harmful to my physical and mental health, and as a result, I have more free time. In this free time I feel this feeling of something missing, something misunderstood, so very strongly, yet I cannot do anything about it.

I can't settle this because it cannot be settled. So what in god's name am I supposed to do?? I can see a potential answer - "do nothing", but I have no closure and I feel so very uncomfortable being so impenetrable and unknown to myself.. it's like being in a cloud - like being aware of knowing that you don't know what you don't know what you don't know ad infinitum..

Submitted October 13, 2019 at 10:22PM by -_sometimes https://ift.tt/35uTOXQ