So over my life, I've turned to religion and belief systems many times, trying to make sense of living and just improve my own outlook on life (I'm quite negative and prone to anger).
Intellectually I like Buddhism and Zen because of the lack of religious dogma, and over the last two years I have tried meditating, reading and just trying to adopt the philosophy and habits of Zen.
But it all feels very fake.
I would try to tell myself to think and react to situations in a certain way, or I would meditate, or be attempting to consider all of life and appreciate nature as it is.
And all the time I would go away with a feeling that I'm just pretending. That I'm not really all that peaceful or compassionate or calm. The feeling is like that of an actor playing a role - on the outside I appear one way and I can say and spout the right words and even the right behaviour but I feel that it's just a role I'm playing.
I don't feel any real progress in my character or nature or thinking, as much as I know a lot now and know a lot about how to act and think (and can actually do it).
Any advice on what's going on or what I can do? Any good books or reads that might help me understand this better?
Thank you.
Submitted January 13, 2019 at 08:42AM by Maddened http://bit.ly/2HbzwKN
No comments:
Post a Comment