Hi, I've been into Zen practice on and off for about 10 years. 3 of those years I've spent in monastic training as a lay student. Also spent a month in a temple in Japan. I've recently lost all hope in the Zen world, and have settled on just sitting and studying on my own. Just a little background... I had a pretty tough childhood involving drugs and violence. I ended up as an adult with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. When I first got into Zen, I went through the honeymoon phase pretty quickly. During my time in the monastery, lots of my issues intensified. To make a long story short, it seemed after a while that the advice from my teacher and his successors weren't really helping. It was the basic Japanese Zen mumbo jumbo you'll find in the old stories. Like " everything is emptiness " and so forth. I worked my ass off there and paid lots of money I really couldn't afford. Ended up finally leaving and immediately afterwards suffered a mental breakdown. Took over 2 years to find some solid ground again. Not one time did my teacher ask how I was doing. He's quite a respected teacher btw. I blame myself for not being smart enough to seek psychiatric help rather than put my whole trust in a Zen teacher. Now I feel I can never trust a teacher ever again. Do any of you have similar experiences? What's your opinion on Zen and mental illnesses?
Submitted December 18, 2018 at 02:19AM by introspectar https://ift.tt/2USwkGE
No comments:
Post a Comment