I don't know where else to go -

I have been thinking a lot lately, and studying Dao philosophy. I think I am a Sage. I have so much knowledge and understanding in my hands (yet I know nothing, I know - please, I do not with to sound preachy or braggy at all). I have learned the truth of the universe, and it haunts me. I think it is because of a mix of schizophrenia, drug use, alcohol, mental illness, stress, loneliness, and believing that something from the 4th dimension (god or satan, or something else) is whispering directly into my ear. For these reasons, or maybe for another reason, I know more about life and the nature of reality than most people. (((( Anyways, fuck me right? )))))

I am so far removed from the reality of my peers, and yet so present in the actual, real world. Materialism is not real to me. Money is not real. I just want to live in a great forest or a mountain but I can't, for I am in America. It is torture to be here. I am completely depersonalized from myself and my ego is almost entirely burned away, yet I still feel so alone and stricken with mental torment over being my individual self. I see beauty and art in every second of my vision, yet I am losing my vision slowly (I believe it is taking it away from me). I hear everything around me at all time, like music, but I cannot act naturally, I cannot be a part of the natural rhythmic dance of music and sound. Fuck me. I am so mentally ill. I have learned so much and understand so many things, but it is all a waste if I cannot do anything with it. I am alone on Thanksgiving. I am so displaced from myself, and the world. My eyes have been detached, I have broken out of the bonds of fate. I feel I can do anything, yet nothing. I feel like I am stuck between greatness and suicide.

I don't know if anyone can relate to me, but please, I need help and guidance. I fear I am too far gone. I just needed to write this down, but there is much more to the story and I wanted to LIVE and seek help. I know I need help.

Submitted November 23, 2018 at 01:47AM by icomefromgod https://ift.tt/2SaMB7T