Troy: Hi, my name's Troy McClure. You may remember me from such comments as "Reported" and "The One that got Down Voted to Hell." I'm here to talk to you today about Zen. A lot of people think they know what Zen is. BUT THEY'RE WRONG! I, on the other hand, do know what Zen is and, fortunately for you, I like to share. Zen is a tradition dating back to a homeless outcast named Bodhidharma who incidentally was also the world's first speleologist. He taught that every individual has the capacity within themselves to achieve enlightenment and that words tend to confuse the nature of reality; which is why so many of those impressed by him have obsessed over the lineages of their teachers and squabbled amongst each other regarding the semantic details of compendious texts. Ha ha ha. Good times.
Now, the most important thing to understand about Zen is that through a few simple techniques you can stupefy anyone who disagrees with you and thus lay claim to calling yourself a ZEN MASTER.TM What is a Zen Master? Buy my book* and find out! But I will tell you this for free; a lot of people claim to be Zen Masters who are simply trying to aggrandize themselves to indulge various materialistic and pathological appetites. Because it's a sick depraved world out there.
Billy, a child in the audience: Um, Mr. McClure? Are you a Zen Master?
Troy: Yes Billy. Yes I am. That's one thing you can trust. But don't take my word for it. Here's some testimonials from a few of my Totally Satisfied students.
Howard, from Oklahoma: Been trying to understand the koan about the dog for some time now. Couldn't make no progress and I was starting to feel like this Zen stuff wasn't for me. Then I read Guru McClure's book and the answer popped out at me like a gopher who hole I just dynamited! Gosh! This enlightenment thing really changes everything. People are telling me I look like I'm twenty years younger. And I feel it!
Alistair, from Florida: I was deep in debt due to no fault of my own. When I bought the book "Mu and You!" I was running from three different collection agencies and selling abandoned shopping carts just to get by. But after the first chapter I saw I'd been given The Answer.TM Also, now I know who Huang Po is, so that's good. Heck. Today I can do sitting meditation on my couch for like five hours at a time and, according to these ancient sages, that's the surest path to self-realization.
Francine, from Michigan: I was kicked out of my church due to an alcohol related mishap. Frankly, I wasn't sure if I even had any place for spirituality in my life anymore but, when I discovered the Totally Satisfied program, I knew I'd found what I'd been missing. Now I'm doing Zen all the time and I've never felt better. And I've even learned to cope with my liquor! Not by decreasing my consumption of alcohol either but by realizing that the concept of a substance abuse problem is a delusion projected by the unconscious mind. Thanks Troy!
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL!
1-800-ZEN-HELP. That's 1-800-ZEN-HELP.
And ask about our special limited offer on Mumon's Secret Commentaries Vol.1 through 8! (Not available to customers in Canada, Alaska, Hawaii, or Puerto Rico)
Again, that's 1... 800... 9 3 6... 4 2 5 7
Have your credit cards ready!
*All refunds are currently unavailable. Please allow 90 days after payment confirmation for shipment. Additional charges may apply.
Submitted April 28, 2021 at 12:15AM by moudre_plus_de_rouge https://ift.tt/3eCj2Zv
No comments:
Post a Comment