I'm in such a good state of mind. I'm at a place in my life where I'm at the cusp of victory. I'm not there yet. But I'm closer than I've ever been. I have a very specific goal, and I've spent an entire decade perfecting my craft.
What I feel now is the real reward. Not the crossing the finish line, but that moment when you are almost there, and you know you've won. And this is where I am now.
Tomorrow I will grow lazy and fat. I will sit around the fire and tell war stories of great battles while sipping brandy and smoking cheap cigars, but today, I am unstoppable. I am free flowing flawless in my perfect design.
My skill is in people of course. I am an athlete, and my discipline is in charisma. I am an entertainer and philosopher, and my goal in life is to be loved and save the human race with a rock and roll song.
I'm no longer scared of being alone. I definitely lost all social anxiety. I have to fake anger for a social tool. I haven't felt sorry for myself in a long time. And I'm not scared to fall in love either. All my negative emotions have become a game for self amusement.
And I've kept this solid for two years. Last winter I spent in solitude. I did bitch and whine how horrible that was. Despite that now it's a super power of patience. It took away my social neediness that I was having a problem shaking.
So now, I'm surrounded by ten friends in each direction, I can allow space for natural energies of social interaction to have there own energy. I have abundance, and only because I don't need it.
I'm a boss. I'm a public speaker. What I say, many will listen, whether it's truth or bullshit is irrelevant. I am a leader, and history will decide if a good one or not. So it becomes my responsibly to be the best man I can be.
So here's the lesson. Belief is everything. I'm never going to win the lotto. I can't will people into better states of being if that's not what they don't want. Belief is about self and not our inadequacies of controlling the universe.
And it's not about not having any negative emotions. It's about the value of importance you give those emotions. Which ones you want to make priority. It doesn't even matter if any of this is real or a made up story. If I believe I am real, and I believe I'm winning, then I am.
And that makes me strong. That makes me dangerous. I have a cause. I have a system, a routine, a ritual. And I have resources. And I know what to say. I know how to be. The only question is now, how do I make interesting stories without the tragedy part. This does trouble the writer in me. I'm going back to sci-fi comedy. I'm a better writer for that. I'll write a sad song about it later.
Submitted September 07, 2020 at 10:56PM by keithcarterarkansas https://ift.tt/3i3dyHQ
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