Zen and the fear of death

I've been having a few realizations about existence and my own mortality lately, and it's got me in a bit of a state. I'm hoping that this is something that people on here may have experienced and have advice on how to approach it within the context of Zen.

For a long time I deluded myself into thinking that I was invincible and nothing bad would ever happen to me. Through meditation, deep thought and general life experience, I saw through this and realized that, yes, I will die one day. Not only that, but it won't necessarily be some day far off in the distant future meaning I can just kick the proverbial can down the street for years and years; I might die today. It could be in a minute. I might not even get to the end of this sentence (phew, well I made it this far at least). I can't simply put it down as an intrusive thought because I know it is true, and saying that 'I'll probably make it to the end of the day' doesn't work either: what good was 'probably' for everyone who's ever died in a freak accident? Every moment that I'm alive only proves I survived the previous moment, it says nothing about the future. All of humanity could be wiped out in an instant and we may not even see it coming. I suppose, on the other hand, knowing that makes every moment I'm alive feel like a miracle.

Through meditation I have experienced states where it seemed that I was aware of no-things and non-concepts (though my mind may have simply been trying to convince me of that, plus these are just memories now), but generally I still view the world in quite an empirical, secular and skeptical way. Because of this, I don't see any reason to believe there is anything 'after' death. Many people give the explanation that we only fear death because we're biologically preprogrammed for self-preservation, but I think it's more than that. Death terrifies me because it is simply something I cannot imagine: there won't be anything, but there won't be nothing either, since there won't be a me to be aware of anything. It's something incomprehensible to me, and I can find no comfort from it.

Is the fear of death something that is discussed in Zen Buddhism? I've read in some literature that there were Zen masters who said there was no reincarnation and nothing after death, and with the ego being an illusion there is nothing to die (supposedly). I know rationally there is no reason to fear death because it is inevitable and there is nothing we can do about it, but it's still tearing me up inside. I feel like mindfulness meditation is the only thing that's getting me through this since it helps me detach from the fear of things that I have absolutely no control over and be present, but I'm still unsure of the path to take. Would it be a good idea for me to surrender entirely to the fear, letting it be so that it will subside, leaving my mind quieter and more aware? Or are there better approaches?

Submitted March 08, 2018 at 06:25PM by Caithmmir http://ift.tt/2FmI2Fk