I'm pretty new to Buddhism. I'm not looking only for Zen answers, but the author was Zen and I was having difficulties figuring out how to post text to r/buddhism. I only saw the "submit link" there, but it was a heading within that I didn't see.
The letter I am referencing can be found on google books by searching: only don't know "throw away your zen mind" A PDF copy also comes up on google if it's easier (Fair Use educational purposes for this discussion?), but I'm not advocating piracy of the entire book.
In his book "Only Don't Know", there is a letter (page 85) where a woman is Jewish, marrying a non-Jewish man. The woman's mother disapproves of her daughter's Buddhism (The mother wants a Jewish religion daughter, despite the fact that the daughter claimed the mother "only went to temple when she had to"). The daughter isn't practicing a theistic Buddhism (as a religion).
The daughter was planning a Buddhist ceremony. The mother wants a ceremony before the Buddhist ceremony. The daughter feels the Buddhist ceremony is important to be first. She ultimately decides to have a ceremony by a justice of the peace, with only the parents present prior to their Buddhist ceremony.
Several previous examples in this book led me to believe that the answer to this is to have the Buddhist ceremony first. I realize it could be viewed as selfish, but a lot of this book so far has been "only go straight - don't know". She is choosing to second-guess herself due to her mother's influence.
In contrast to my expectations*, Sahn suggests that she perform the legal ceremony first. He says that if she is only getting married for herself, she's holding onto an idea, in the same way her mother holds an idea. He believes that maintaining clear mind, and the wedding is "for all people". Thus he suggests doing following the parent's request to ease suffering, and that as long as she maintains correct direction while doing so, their idea is the truth. He asserts that she is attached to Zen.
I'm not arguing that she isn't attached to Zen. I have read another author's statement that he became attached to "golden silence" while meditating, so the idea of being attached to zen is understandable. I don't believe that this attachment causes her desire to have zen first. Her attachment is why she is so hesitant to put it second though. I'm saying that some things have a natural order*, and this strikes me as one of them, foundation / arising from the person sort of thing.
*I realize that both of these statements are opinionated (clinging?). I'm still at the Obstinate SoB level of the human condition, lol.
How do you view the situation? What would you choose and why? I know I would chosen the Buddhist ceremony first and foremost.
Submitted March 10, 2018 at 06:55PM by pyro226 http://ift.tt/2FvuHXm
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